Tales From The Garden Bench
Jun 2, 2018 9:23:11 GMT
Post by snoopy on Jun 2, 2018 9:23:11 GMT
I'm sitting on this 'ere garden bench, thinking about moles - and grinding my teeth. 
MOLE - three definitions.
1: Mole - small permanent dark spot on human skin (Oxford English Dictionary)
2: Mole - massive structure usually of stone as in pier, breakwater or causeway (Oxford English Dictionary)
3: Mole - pesky little b......who keeps messing up my lawn and will very soon get it right in the neck (Snoopy's Philosophic Treatise on Life and Death in the Garden)
.
Honestly, I'm sick to my back molars of these little critters and yes, I know they've got lovely velvety skin and delicate twitchy whiskers and endearing ways but I've had it with them, had it, I tell you and....
Colin, calm down, it'll soon be time for your medicine.
Okay but something's got to be done. They call them mole hills but we've got mole mountains. I climbed one the other day and wore out a pair of crampons. One of them had snow on the top. I've named it Ben Mole.
I even planted a white flag of surrender on the summit, hoping they would have mercy (see pic) but, no, they just keep erupting like volcanoes. One day there's a pleasant green sward, neatly mown, next morning we've got a version of the Cairngorms.
And let me tell you this - it's not all about what you can see on top. Underneath these huge piles are immense labyrinths; dark terrifying passages leading to caverns with stalactites, stalagmites, troglodytes and lots of other tites, mites and dytes.
You can be strolling through your garden admiring the petunias when, suddenly, the ground collapses and you disappear into a massive sink-hole.
Anyone seen Snoopy? He was here a second ago and now he's vanished....
And also - these moles, they're not the loveable, butter wouldn't melt in their mouths creatures that their canny marketing executives would have us believe. Oh no.
Moles are a tribe of ruthless subterranean miners. Digging is in their DNA. They open up new seams every day just for the hell of it, weakening the Earth's crust
NUM – what initials does that bring to mind? Arthur Scargill's clan? No – National Union of Moles!
You're going too far now Colin
.
Well, maybe. But I've been researching Einstein’s Theory of Spontaneous Mole-cular Combustion and I've got the dynamite ready.
Come on Colin, time to go in. Too much sun...
MOLE - three definitions.
1: Mole - small permanent dark spot on human skin (Oxford English Dictionary)
2: Mole - massive structure usually of stone as in pier, breakwater or causeway (Oxford English Dictionary)
3: Mole - pesky little b......who keeps messing up my lawn and will very soon get it right in the neck (Snoopy's Philosophic Treatise on Life and Death in the Garden)
.
Honestly, I'm sick to my back molars of these little critters and yes, I know they've got lovely velvety skin and delicate twitchy whiskers and endearing ways but I've had it with them, had it, I tell you and....
Colin, calm down, it'll soon be time for your medicine.
Okay but something's got to be done. They call them mole hills but we've got mole mountains. I climbed one the other day and wore out a pair of crampons. One of them had snow on the top. I've named it Ben Mole.
I even planted a white flag of surrender on the summit, hoping they would have mercy (see pic) but, no, they just keep erupting like volcanoes. One day there's a pleasant green sward, neatly mown, next morning we've got a version of the Cairngorms.
And let me tell you this - it's not all about what you can see on top. Underneath these huge piles are immense labyrinths; dark terrifying passages leading to caverns with stalactites, stalagmites, troglodytes and lots of other tites, mites and dytes.
You can be strolling through your garden admiring the petunias when, suddenly, the ground collapses and you disappear into a massive sink-hole.
Anyone seen Snoopy? He was here a second ago and now he's vanished....
And also - these moles, they're not the loveable, butter wouldn't melt in their mouths creatures that their canny marketing executives would have us believe. Oh no.
Moles are a tribe of ruthless subterranean miners. Digging is in their DNA. They open up new seams every day just for the hell of it, weakening the Earth's crust
NUM – what initials does that bring to mind? Arthur Scargill's clan? No – National Union of Moles!
You're going too far now Colin
.
Well, maybe. But I've been researching Einstein’s Theory of Spontaneous Mole-cular Combustion and I've got the dynamite ready.
Come on Colin, time to go in. Too much sun...
Snoopy a very entertaining read and a great shot of Ben Mole 
I sympathise, Colin.
Hilarious, and what a great story teller you are! I hope no Moles were harmed in the process though, I'm quite fond of them.
A great read Colin,we have missed your entertaining tales.
Colin. I'm glad to hear it. 
